No Matter How Much It Hurts

If you love someone you let them go,
no matter how much it hurts.
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

He didn’t even bat an eye at me
when he walked out the door, but
if you love someone you let them go.

Watching him walk into the arms of another
and seeing him embrace her like there was no tomorrow
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

Our song spins over and over on the turntable
it’s words never losing meaning.
If you love someone you let them go.

Snow falls in fat flakes onto the window pane
that we used to look out onto from the living room.
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for anyone
But you are the only exception, but
If you love someone you let them go
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

1/15/10

So, I'm sitting in the hotel, eating left over Chinese food from this afternoon and just waiting for the hotel staff to yell at me for getting soy sauce on the table. It's not nearly as cold or windy as I thought it would be. But the tax prices are even higher than I thought. The cookies on the front desk aren't warm at all and thoroughly disappointed me, but so it goes. Jerry Lewis is watching me as he peers down from the walls, his eyes lost in dark shadows and a cigarette in his hand. I take a pen from the desk drawer and will most likely forget about it for a few more days. The city sparkles with excitement and the pigeons even have a law just for them. I can feel the magic in the air with each step on the gritty sidewalk and with each brush of cold air against my flushed cheeks.

"Learn your rules, you better learn your rules"

So, in the past year, I've gone though a lot of changes with my hair. First, it was long and kinda of a mess. Like the picture below, it just looks I have no idea what I want.
Then I cut all my hair off. And it just felt awesome. I didn't look like everyone else and I felt like a whole new person.

Then today happened.

LIVE

Ok, so my New Years Resolution this year is to live life. How am I going to do that you may ask? Easy. I made a list. I will try and do everything on this list this year. Lets see how this goes.

1. Dye my hair
2. Get a tattoo
3. Road trip somewhere (maybe Ohio or Florida)
4. Write more letters
5. De-clutter my closet/life
6. Sell merch for a band
7. Get a better job in college
8. Wear heels more often
9. Dance more
10. Buy flirty perfume and wear it
11. Play JJ more
12. Play at least one show with JJ
13. See more local shows
14. See more shows in general
15. Travel to see a band
16. Finish writing something
17. Get my lip pierced
18. Go skinny dipping
19. Cook for myself more often
20. Bake a cute boy a plate of cookies
21. Move out.

There you go. A list of 21 things to do this year.

Feel free to join me on my journey to live life =]

you look the part but looks dont tell the truth

My New Years Resolution this year is to live. Like, I don't think I've ever really lived and I think after 17 years it might be a good idea to start. How am I going to achieve this you ask? I'll post a list on New Years with everything I would like to achieve this year then when I do achieve that, I'll blog about it! How easy is that?

Ok, I have 2 days to come up with a list. Wish me luck =]

remember 2 slow down @ all OUR favorite p a r t s

So...I'm pretty sure I've fallen back into my depression. Something I've tried so hard to not do. I just don't really feel anything anymore for anything...Well...music is the only thing that really makes me feel anymore. I've been listening to Paramore for the past few days and there's just something about it that I like. Man. What is wrong with me. I feel like a total failure. Maybe that's why none of my friends want to hang out with me anymore or the fact that I'm just tired all the time and have no motivation to do anything anymore.

This sucks

Bokononism

While reading Cat’s Cradle, Bokononism was mentioned quite a bit. I think if I wasn’t a Christian, I would want to be a Bokononist. They seem like such peaceful people and all they really want is to be happy.

As weird as this sounds, I think that’s a reoccurring theme in Vonnegut’s novels. The characters are all looking for the happiness in their lives but often times they don’t find it. For example, with Billy Pilgrim, even though he was a bystander in his own life, he just wanted to be loved. He searched for love with Montana and his own wife. Although, I’m not quite sure he ever really found love. The same thing happens to Howard W. Campbell Jr. After his wife dies, he just sorta lives in this zombie like state. He does enough to survive and that’s good enough for him. When he thinks Helga comes back, his life suddenly has purpose again and he has a reason to live. He’s happy. I think Vonnegut truly wants his characters to be happy but in the real world, life doesn’t always draw a fair card and he wants his readers to know that. Vonnegut is very much aware that life doesn’t work out that way and I think, despite the fact that his books were so out there that he wanted it to be real in some way and this was the way he could be real.