you look the part but looks dont tell the truth

My New Years Resolution this year is to live. Like, I don't think I've ever really lived and I think after 17 years it might be a good idea to start. How am I going to achieve this you ask? I'll post a list on New Years with everything I would like to achieve this year then when I do achieve that, I'll blog about it! How easy is that?

Ok, I have 2 days to come up with a list. Wish me luck =]

remember 2 slow down @ all OUR favorite p a r t s

So...I'm pretty sure I've fallen back into my depression. Something I've tried so hard to not do. I just don't really feel anything anymore for anything...Well...music is the only thing that really makes me feel anymore. I've been listening to Paramore for the past few days and there's just something about it that I like. Man. What is wrong with me. I feel like a total failure. Maybe that's why none of my friends want to hang out with me anymore or the fact that I'm just tired all the time and have no motivation to do anything anymore.

This sucks

Bokononism

While reading Cat’s Cradle, Bokononism was mentioned quite a bit. I think if I wasn’t a Christian, I would want to be a Bokononist. They seem like such peaceful people and all they really want is to be happy.

As weird as this sounds, I think that’s a reoccurring theme in Vonnegut’s novels. The characters are all looking for the happiness in their lives but often times they don’t find it. For example, with Billy Pilgrim, even though he was a bystander in his own life, he just wanted to be loved. He searched for love with Montana and his own wife. Although, I’m not quite sure he ever really found love. The same thing happens to Howard W. Campbell Jr. After his wife dies, he just sorta lives in this zombie like state. He does enough to survive and that’s good enough for him. When he thinks Helga comes back, his life suddenly has purpose again and he has a reason to live. He’s happy. I think Vonnegut truly wants his characters to be happy but in the real world, life doesn’t always draw a fair card and he wants his readers to know that. Vonnegut is very much aware that life doesn’t work out that way and I think, despite the fact that his books were so out there that he wanted it to be real in some way and this was the way he could be real.

Cookbooks

After watching Julie & Julia, I really want to start cooking again. Maybe this upcoming new year I'll cook more or something. I'm acutally a pretty good cook even though I've never taken a class. I've learned everything I know from my daddy who I love very much.

Also, I want it to snow =]

Go Forth

Lately, I've been looking at the world though the eyes of a college student. I'm 80% sure that I'm going to go to Columbia College Chicago, but that's beside the point. I'm getting really sick of staying in one place for too long. Traveling is really high up on my list. So is quitting my job, but in order to travel, money has to come from somewhere.

I want to get into a car and drive away and not have to think about school or work or anything. I don't want to get hurt by a guy again. I want to leave this life I have behind and just go out there and see the world that I want to write about. I want to get my tatoo. I want to live. Is that too much to ask?