Home Stove

So I started a new blog. I've been cooking a lot lately and I just thought that I should be documenting it as I go along. I made Butternut Squash Soup last night and I posted the recpie on my new food blog. go check it out!'



There's a light on/In Chicago

So, I've been here for a few days and I'm already in love with the city. I don't know if I could ever live in a 'burb' ever again. =]



HOLY COW! It's been so long since I last updated.

Hmmmm What's happened since then?

My mom saw my 2nd tattoo.
I fell in love with Chicago (again).
Quit Starbucks.
Never cleaned my room.
Packed up my life into a stack of boxes.
Rode on the back of a motorcycle.
Cut off all my hair.
Went to Build-A-Bear and made Keroppi.
Lost weight (I think).
Almost wore out the bottom of my TOMS
Made a new BFF.
Didn't get tan.
Went to the top of the Arch.
Fed koi fish.
Had the most amazing sandwich ever.

Wow. Feels like I didn't do a whole bunch but at the same time, I feel worn out just looking at it.

I'll have more fun stories to post once I move in 2 days! AHHHHHHH!!!!


Always Love, Hate Will Get You Everytime

This will be my new home in less than 70 days. <3


Reading is Sexy

Here is a list of books I think everyone should read at least once in their lifetime.

1. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
2. Hairstyles of the Damned by Joe Meno
3. Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut
4. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
5. The Bus Driver Who Wanted To Be God & Other Stories by Etgar Keret
6. Walden by Henry D. Thoreau
7. Night by Elie Wisel
8. Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.
9. Futureproof by N. Frank Daniels
10. Welcome to the Monkey House by Kurt Vonnegut
11. In Our Time by Ernest Hemingway
12. Twilight by Stepheine Meyer (Shut. Up...it's a good book)
13. The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
14. How the Hula Girl Sings by Joe Meno
15. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
16. Northhanger Abbey by Jane Austen
17. The Bible
18. Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
19. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
20. Choke by Chuck Palahniuk


Such Great Heights

Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death

-The Postal Service



The fact that I found this absolutely hilarious doesn't make me hipster. Does it?


i'll spread out my wings and fly

So tomorrow is my final day of high school. Forever. I mean, unless I get bit by a vampire and have to move around all the time and stay in high school in order to keep up appearances...But I doubt I'll encounter any tonight.

The only way I feel sad about leaving South is thinking that as of tomorrow, I will no longer have a free education. I didn't really have a good "high school experience" I guess. I never skipped a class. I never went to any parties. I had average grades. All in all, I was a pretty good kid.

It's not that I wanna change it, more like see what else is out in the vast world that is before me. I want to drink good coffee while sitting outside people watching on the street writing down nonsense that no one else can understand. I want to wear bright red lipstick when it's raining outside. I want to watch the sunrise.

I want to live. And that's what I'll do.

Check back to see my progress!


Wolves (Act 1 and 2)

This is to anyone who's seen me lose it. To anyone I've ingored when they tell me to "calm down" and "take deep breaths". To everyone who says "it's gonna be over soon". This is to you.

I'm sorry I've acted so stressed out and frazzled. I feel terrible about it, I really do. Life right now makes my back hurt and my face break out (gross).

I promise, you'll only have to endure it for one more week. Just give me one more week and I'll go back to being carefree and happy.



Whistle Attempt

I can't whistle....In case anyone was wondering...


Midnight Rain

Smoke curled around her lips while she exhaled into the dark night. Bringing the cigarette to her dry lips, she breathed in the sweet smoke letting it fill her lungs and watched as it left her body once again. Heaving a sigh, she set the smoldering stick on the tray and leaned against the brick wall behind her. She let the soft rain kiss her face oh so tenderly like her mother used to before drifting off to sleep as a child. Closing her eyes, she imagined she was back there, listening to the rain hit the window while her mother read her a story. A simpler time.

She picked up the cigarette again, taking a deeper breath than normal, as if to make that simple time come back. Breath after breath after breath she tried. But to no avail. Frustrated, she plunged the dead butt into the tray and pulled out another cigarette; cupping her hand over the end and lighting it. Maybe this one would have the answer, she thought. Gazing at the shattered glass that glittered the ground around her, she wondered how her life ended up like this. How she left her home that always smelled like apple pie.

She pulled out another cigarette and hoped this one would have the answer.


You Must’ve Fallen From The Sky

I miss the feeling of his hand in mine. Our fingers intertwined in this mess of flesh as we sit side by side in my car. It lets me know that he’s there with me for that



                                                       in time.

The heat radiating off of them is comforting and when I take my hand back to turn the wheel, it immediately longs to be held again. But not by just anyone, but



He would call my nasty, calloused, Starbucks hands soft and inviting and I would think he was absolutely crazy but would blush and smile all the same. I still do it. The blushing, I mean. Any little phrase will set me off and cause my entire face to turn the color of a ripen red pepper. I’d never tell him this, but I love







My hand is still waiting for him to come back, so it can be held again. Nothing will suffice. Not the cell phone I tend to lose. Not the pen I will make my money off of. Not even the coffee cup that never seems to want to let go. Nothing

                                                                   compares to

                                                                                             his touch.



When he comes home, I’ll be waiting. And I’ll finally be able to stop and take a breath and relax and let his touch


                                               on my



i'll put this night to tune and move it to you

he knows me so well it's scary.

he makes me calm for and reminds me to stop.

he is kind.

he knows how to make me smile when i'm sad.

he has
the best

he listens to everything.
even country.



you had me @ ‘hello’

would it be ok, would it be ok

if I took

                 your breath



Word Warrior

Career Quizzes - TestQ

This test told me I was a Word Warrior...how cool is that????


What Do You Want To Do Before You Die?

What Do You Want To Do Before You Die?
5. Fall In Love

And not like text book love or the love that your parents no longer have for each other. I’m talking about head over heels love. The love that stories are written about. The kind of love that is Earth Shattering and the sky’s open up to welcome it. When it feels new every morning, yeah, that kind of love. Love that makes it ok to fight every once and a while. Perhaps a vase gets broken in the process, but we’ll shrug it off because that vase didn’t define what we were or our love. The kind of love where your wedding ring is the first thing you put on; not by habit but because you really want to.
Where it means “Writing-tons-of-poems-about-it-in-order-to-get-it-out-of-your system-and-you-still-have-millions-more-inside-you.”

The kind of love that makes you missue grammar or spel words funy,

That’s where I want to be.



It's National Poetry Month!! So I'm trying to post/write as many poems as possible. I never really got into writing poetry until this semester when I had to write a ton for my creative writing class. Now, I want to get a minor in Poetry when I go to Columbia! =] So, here's a poem I wrote for my Pshyc class about being lonely.

I long for the sky to open up and
Engulf me into the openness.

It’s not like anyone would miss me.
I am heartbreakingly lonely
Not a soul knows I’m around
or cares for that matter.

Life is happening. The music still plays
And cars still drive on by. The sun rises
And the day begins.
But it all feels empty.
Like I’ve been invisible my whole life.

The clear plastic bottle taunts me
“Consume me,” it cries out
from the counter top.
I cave

The pills are a double edge sword
dulling the loneliness
and adding to the same.

I take one too many
And my loneliness is gone


and i miss the way i fell i fell into your arms each day

My heart is in a bind
and it feels like only
Chris &
know what I'm going though.

But there is a void that
can't get filled
no matter how loud
the words play though
my speakers.
The words that speak
of heartbreak and
lost love
make everything seem
without him here.

It goes though the
verse and bridge
with emotion and
devotion in every
word of every line.
The story begins to
unfold now.
The girl never noticing the boy.
The boy not having the guts to say how he feels.
The boy missing the girl.

A chorus is where
the anger and pain
and love are poured
out into the open
and the moral of the story
is being shared.
The pure love that is
being shared with
such passion has every girl
going weak in the knees.

The song is on repeat and
the message is played over
and over
and over
and over
and suddenly
the void is being filled
and you fell less
lonely thanks to
Chris &


Fever 2 Tell

So, I found this on this other blog, http://fever2tell.wordpress.com/, and I thought it was super cool.

1) You know that thing you have been dying to try but you’re afraid to because you think you aren’t smart enough, talented enough, cool enough, tough enough or attractive enough to do it? You are.
2) While we’re at it, you know all those people who are already doing that thing you want to do? Most of them aren’t any smarter or more talented than you. Chances are the only difference between you and them is that they decided they could do it.
3) It is not your job to make everybody you know like you, agree with you and think you are smart and wonderful and right all the time. In fact, chances are that if you are living your life according to your principals, everyone around you isn’t going to like you agree with you or think you are smart and wonderful 100% of the time. That’s OK. You don’t need to define your worth in terms how much others like you.
4) It is perfectly OK to spend time focusing on the relationships in your life that are mutually beneficial and to let go of those that are not.
5) Don’t ever waste time dating or being friends with someone who makes you feel “less than” or someone you can’t trust our be yourself around.
6) It’s OK to be busy sometimes with lots of different projects. Someday you’ll look back on your life and say, “I can’t believe I did all that cool stuff!”
7) It is also OK to say no to things and unplug your computer, turn off your phone and pretend to not be home for a night.
8. Self care is not vanity or self-indulgence. Taking care of yourself does not mean you are weak and lazy. In the end, your mental, emotional and physical health is all you’ve got so do your best to preserve it! If you are healthy you will do better at your job and be a better partner, lover, friend, artist, etc.
9) Taking time to connect with your true friends is worth it, even if it always seems like there is never enough time.
10) Following your curiosity is always worth it. Money spent on travel and education is also always worth it. That being said, don’t live on credit. Figure out what you can live without in order to afford living that adventurous lifestyle you crave.
11) Don’t let somebody else’s dreams or expectations of you define what you want to do with your life.
12) Don’t dwell on your most negative interpretation of yourself. If you spend too much time being self-critical, you’ll never learn what your strengths are or become a better person.
13) Identify a few core things about yourself that you are proud of, things about you that will never change regardless of your life situation. Use those things as a touchstone to come back to when you are questioning who you are, when somebody else isn’t treating you right, or you need to make a major life decision.
14) Learn to like the body you are in. Work on trying to love it.
15) Never ever be afraid to speak up for yourself.
16) Everything you need is right inside you. You can’t always get what you need from other people, so learn how to achieve goals and feel good about yourself independently without somebody elses’ approval or support.
17) That being said, no woman is an island. Learn how to ask for love, care and support when you need it. Sometimes your loved ones can’t read your mind.
18) You are smart, don’t downplay your accomplishments. Just stand securely with them.
19) If you are itching to take a risk or make a change, chances are it is a good risk or change, chances are you will be successful in your venture. Don’t ever be afraid of the future. Just do it.
20) You always deserve to strive for more, be it more happiness, more life fulfillment, more love, more adventure, a more satisfying job, whatever. If you want it and you are willing to work hard to get it, you owe it to yourself to go for it. Settling for life being just OK is never enough. Strive to be enormously satisfied with everything you do, set realistic incremental goals and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get exactly what you want right away. In the words of Cheetah Rivera, “Try not to take yourself too seriously, but always take your work seriously.”


What Is Love?

I'm in love with Never Shout Never.
The End.



He sat in a diner eating a veggie burger and French fries covered in ketchup. The tattoos that covered his arms wasn’t what first got me looking. It wasn’t his goofy smile or the way he was in his 20’s and still went out to eat with his parents.
It was the canvas TOMS on his feet.
I had to meet him if only for a moment. To just let him know that there was someone else out there in the world that wore TOMS. Sending my friend to give him my number because I could not let this socially conscious person pass me by. Knowing that because he bought those shoes a child somewhere was wearing a pair made my heart swell.

She sat there staring at me. Her smile was adorable but I tried not to look at girls while eating out with my parents. But she was sweet and I really liked her shoes. Any girl who can pull off TOMS is a good one in my book.
But it was her friend that walked over.
My heart sank quickly but the piece of paper that was in her hand was from Cute TOMS Girl. A series of numbers awaited me upon opening it and I felt like I was on Cloud 9,000.

What was supposed to be mere flirtation turned into dinner the following night.
Which turned into exchanging e-mail addresses.
Which turned into nightly phone calls.
Which turned into missing him terribly while he was in Kenya.
Which turned into a trip to New York with him.

The diamond ring weighed my pocket down with its promise.
And her never ending smile,
which first made me notice her
established that what I was doing was


It could be all these things...

I learned a few things today.
The first one is to not mess with Clint Eastwood. You don't need a reason why, just don't do it.

Next is how much people in the worship band actually care about me. The last 2 times I was supposed to play some bad stuff was going on in my life. The first time, I had a nervous breakdown because I thought that no one wanted me there and that I was just another person that no one really paid attention to. I know I'm not the best guitar player in the world but I've been though a lot and when you've been though as much as me, you can be allowed to not be that great at certain things. I love playing guitar, I just don't ever have the time for it, but that's another blog for another day. The 2nd time, I was in the hospital visiting my uncle who just got diagnosed with cancer. I was supposed to play in the band tonight but I didn't know. When I found out, after the talk, I felt horrible. If I do even the slightest thing wrong, I feel so guilt ridden. It sucks. But it happens. So anyway, I felt horrible but at the same time, I learned that the people in the band actually cared about me. Granted, they went through all the trouble of setting up the mic cause JJ doesn't have a pick up, but that can't be the whole reason...right?


The Vinyl Countdown

For Christmas I got a record player. It has been such a joy to collect vinyl ever since getting it. Being able to actually hold the music in my hands and see it spin before my eyes is surreal. I find myself plugging my record player in more often than listening to music on my laptop. It's a different experience and I love it. I can't wait to watch my vinyl collection grow and to hopefully give my kids some of this vinyl. That would be a dream come true for me.


what are you waiting for??

I sometimes wish guys would just be upfront about if they like you or not. For one, it would save me a ton of heartbreak. It's almost like, if they just told me that they were into me I could be like, 'ok, good luck with that' or 'sure, lets go out'.

This whole beating around the bush thing isn't gonna get the rabbit to come out. It's gonna scare the crap out of her and she'll never come out if you keep doing that.

Just sayin'


I need to find my way back to the start

I've started to go through my clothes to downsize for college. Or one might call it...Decluttering! Working on No. 5 today on my list. Lets hope this works! =]


Snow Storm

Ok, so all day long I've been reading the tweets from one of my favorite bands, This Providence while they've been trapped in their van in a snow storm. And as a way to, hopefully cheer them up, I wrote a poem about this experience.

Soft white cotton fluffs falling
slowly from the cloudy
sky has made you well,

Have no fear boys, for
help is on the way.
Hopefully. I'm with you in spirit
hovering over your van. Watching you
hull your way though the snow.

David and everyone else be glad
dawn is on it's way. Light will guide
disaster away. Andy, Gavin, David and
Dan will be well at the next
dance party.

I hope this cheers you up boys and melts the
ice that sticks to the roads. And that you're back
in the place where your words are sung.
Innocent songs are rejoiced at this place.
Into the wonderful wild crowd you'll be.

By now you must think this girl,
Bailey, is crazy,
but have no fear
because really she's harmless and will be your
beautiful rescue =]

Hope you like it everyone!! =]


Scranton Hot Dog from Scranton?

So, today I gave blood. And I was kinda expecting to just walk away from it like everyone else. After sitting there...well, more like lying there, I got up and started to walk over to the concession booth and I started seeing spots. The nurses were freaking out and telling me to sit down. But even when I sat down they were still freaking out. I couldn't really think or see straight and I got super dizzy and lightheaded. Honestly, I don't remember being taken over to the beds. But I felt a cold compress be put on my chest and forehead. The nurse asked me my name a few times before I answered and asked me some other basic questions. They kept my feet elevated for a bit and then they sat me up again and brought me a Pepsi. Then out of no where, this really cute male nurse came rushing over to me and laid me back down. He said I looked really green and wanted to make sure that I was ok. I had to lay down for a little while longer before they let me get up and leave. That Chex Mix was the best thing I have ever had. =]



I found this great site called Missed Connections. I posted it on my side links so you guys should go check it out. It's really sweet and makes you think, "What would've happened if I had talked to that person?"


Not A Love Poem

This is not a love poem. This is a poem written for a beautiful young girl who will be swept off her feet. This is not a poem to make a young man fall in love with me. This is not a poem about Alan Guzman, Zach Lovell or Ben Mulch. This is not a poem about Orlando Bloom. This is not a poem about Taylor Lautner. This is not a poem about Jude Law. This is not a poem about Emile Hirsch, Ryan Renyolds or George Clooney. This is not a poem about how much his smile makes me melt. This is not a poem about how I get weak in the knees at the sight of his eyes. This is not a poem about me in a white dress. This is not a poem about stolen glances or quick kisses. This is not a poem about that one time when we baked cookies. This is not a poem about the first time we held hands or our lips touched and my heart almost stopped. This is not a poem about me playing our song over and over before I go to bed. This is not a poem about holding me close before drifting off to sleep. This is not a poem about our first fight. This is not a poem about missed connections. This is not a poem about how you broke my heart or crushed my dreams. This is not a poem asking “What if…” This is not a poem telling everyone how fantastic So-And-So was or what Whats-His-Face said. This is not a poem preaching to the choir about how to find love. This is not a poem saying how much I love you or him or that guy over there. This is not a poem about you.


No Matter How Much It Hurts

If you love someone you let them go,
no matter how much it hurts.
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

He didn’t even bat an eye at me
when he walked out the door, but
if you love someone you let them go.

Watching him walk into the arms of another
and seeing him embrace her like there was no tomorrow
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

Our song spins over and over on the turntable
it’s words never losing meaning.
If you love someone you let them go.

Snow falls in fat flakes onto the window pane
that we used to look out onto from the living room.
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.

I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for anyone
But you are the only exception, but
If you love someone you let them go
It always hurts the most when it’s the one you love the most.



So, I'm sitting in the hotel, eating left over Chinese food from this afternoon and just waiting for the hotel staff to yell at me for getting soy sauce on the table. It's not nearly as cold or windy as I thought it would be. But the tax prices are even higher than I thought. The cookies on the front desk aren't warm at all and thoroughly disappointed me, but so it goes. Jerry Lewis is watching me as he peers down from the walls, his eyes lost in dark shadows and a cigarette in his hand. I take a pen from the desk drawer and will most likely forget about it for a few more days. The city sparkles with excitement and the pigeons even have a law just for them. I can feel the magic in the air with each step on the gritty sidewalk and with each brush of cold air against my flushed cheeks.


"Learn your rules, you better learn your rules"

So, in the past year, I've gone though a lot of changes with my hair. First, it was long and kinda of a mess. Like the picture below, it just looks I have no idea what I want.
Then I cut all my hair off. And it just felt awesome. I didn't look like everyone else and I felt like a whole new person.

Then today happened.



Ok, so my New Years Resolution this year is to live life. How am I going to do that you may ask? Easy. I made a list. I will try and do everything on this list this year. Lets see how this goes.

1. Dye my hair
2. Get a tattoo
3. Road trip somewhere (maybe Ohio or Florida)
4. Write more letters
5. De-clutter my closet/life
6. Sell merch for a band
7. Get a better job in college
8. Wear heels more often
9. Dance more
10. Buy flirty perfume and wear it
11. Play JJ more
12. Play at least one show with JJ
13. See more local shows
14. See more shows in general
15. Travel to see a band
16. Finish writing something
17. Get my lip pierced
18. Go skinny dipping
19. Cook for myself more often
20. Bake a cute boy a plate of cookies
21. Move out.

There you go. A list of 21 things to do this year.

Feel free to join me on my journey to live life =]